can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
