she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
