a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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