Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
