Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
