Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
