You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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