i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize