bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
