lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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