We're facebook friends in real life
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
