I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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