Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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