Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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