my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
