THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
