When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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