Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
