Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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