P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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