i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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