And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
