ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
