im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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