I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
