margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
there is glitter all over my balls
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