the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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