I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
