I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
