I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
