I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
