Come see our sink grown plant.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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