Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
