I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
