so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
