hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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