Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize