it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
