Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize