When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
