remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
