Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
