I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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