i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
