I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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