If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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