I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
