i can't believe i had my finger in that
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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