I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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