I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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