Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
