I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
