Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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