i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
