Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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