i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
