Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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