She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
