Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
is that a dick in a sweater?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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