Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
