Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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