If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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