youre lurking in front of me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
