I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
