i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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