I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
