we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
