All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
