So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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