he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You were trust falling into bushes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
