I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
