so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
