ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
