Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
