i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
