"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
