So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
