I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
