I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
