I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
