So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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