I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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