I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize