My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
