my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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