u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
so much tequila, so little girl.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
