I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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