i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
