Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
