Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
