We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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