the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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