Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
