I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
