Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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