Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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